From wondering to pondering and beyond…

Wondering whilst wandering across the sands in Skyreburn Bay, Jan 2016

 

Tracy wanders across the sands in Skyreburn Bay

I don’t do New Years Eve parties or make resolutions, or jump on the latest ‘new, improved you’ bandwagon – I have got to a stage in my life where I can admit I quite like me as I am, and am aware that this is constantly evolving. This year, together with my husband, I escaped for a week – to wander, wonder and ponder – and what better place to do this than a magnificently cold, windswept beach in Dumfriesshire.

I haven’t been to this part of Scotland before, new places for me to explore and come to know. Peace and quiet, time and space for reflection and remembering, allowing me to gently put aside the old year and warmly embrace the new one. I reflect on what I have done, the places I have been and the people I have met. I avoid dwelling on all those items (people, places and tasks) on my to-do-list that have somehow so far escaped my attention. Revisiting these experiences in my mind, remembering people I have shared them with is, for me, a lovely way to start the new year. For a short time I can hold them again in my mind and remind myself of what I have learned from being with them, from being there. I am then able to move on to pondering what lies ahead for me in the newly dawned year. Where will I go, who will I meet, how will this feel?

BUT Tracy – “What are your plans?” “When will you be finished?” “What are your next steps?” “What do you want to achieve next?” “You need to define your goals, build in steps, assess your progress…”

Well-meaning words of advice caution me to take a more considered approach – to look ahead and plan my way, and yet I feel a strange resistance to making this a quick process. I want to take my time, to do it my way. I apologise to those who find my approach to be confusing, frustrating or challenging. I’m not trying to be awkward, I really am just being me. I am a daydreamer, I like to hope, to dream, to remain open to what I encounter, to respond to things that attract my attention. And then to make this real – and this takes time and space, and patience.

2015 was an interesting, demanding, exciting and challenging year. There have been some fun times, and some that were anything but fun. There have been some very sad times; and times when I have felt overwhelmed at how much I have to do, and how little time I have to do so. Walking on the beach helps me gain perspective, to make peace with myself by quietly recognising my achievements and forgiving myself for what I have not done. Then I can reach for my calendar and my to-do-list and begin to plan. And most importantly, I can remember to ask for support when I need it, after all, despite how it may look in the photo, I am not alone.

Watch out 2016, I’m ready for you, here I come 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

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